wrigley field is MILF paradise
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
