She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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