dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
