So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
