he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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