Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
