The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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