I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
