i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
