u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
