the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
