I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What a dumb baby whore.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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