i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
