Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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