it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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