yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
