At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
