I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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