i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
