o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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