It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
