I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
