Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
