Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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