So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
