dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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