just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
