You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
