Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
