theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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