Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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