So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
