bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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