After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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