since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
