gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
