Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
