I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
