Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
