puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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