He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
