We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
