ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
