is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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