People with herpes should wear stickers.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
