Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I could make wine with my vomit
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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