im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
