you win again, gameday.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
