I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
