So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
