she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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