people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
