Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize