The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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