I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
