I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't think brook has ever known best
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
