hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
