Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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