I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
