how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
