I looked at my own cervix.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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