dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
