I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize