My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
