I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
