11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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